“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” - Albert Einstein

I once heard a saying in life that miracles are a gift sent from above. Miracles give people the gift of hope. All I can conclude from this is that life works in mysterious ways.
It was a day that I would never forget, I was going to have a baby sister after all. My mother's water had just broke and everything in this house was in chaos. I was just standing there by the front door smiling and watching all the commotion, knowing that at then end of this day we would be an even bigger family. It was an exhilarating day, dad rushing to grab the baby bag in case this would happen sometime soon. He was so preoccupied with getting everything into the car he had forgotten mom. Until he heard the screams of mom from the kitchen. I quickly ran over and she grabbed on my arm telling me to get her to the hospital already.
"DAD! You can't forget mom!"
He ran inside the house, panting, "I am so sorry, I was just so anxious and it slipped my mind..."
"I DON'T CARE JUST GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL!" My mom was clearly on her breaking point now. Dad quickly picked her up from the chair and helped her to the car as I followed from behind them. We past the baby's room on the way out and I couldn't help but take a second look. It's empty now, but not for too long.
The ride to the hospital was unlike any car ride I have ever been through. Dad ran at least three red lights and mom was in a constant state of agony as the baby kept telling her it's time for me to come out. We pulled up to the ER and parked the car outside as my dad ran in and got a wheelchair. He wheeled her in and disregarded the fact that I was still there. I guess that meant I had to park the car. I didn't mind, this is what happens when parents decide to have a baby after their first one is already 17. I pulled the car around the hospital and into a parking space. I ran back to the hospital and asked the nurse where I would find them, "Third Floor, Room 316."
I raced up there, stairs, since the elevators would have taken far too long. I found them easily since I believe my mothers voice was the loudest on that floor. I came in and was given a gown to wear over my clothes. I guess in case some bodily fluids or whatever comes out during pregnancy should come flying out at me. I've only seen a birth on TV before, never this close up or this loud for that matter.
"DOC, I need that spinal tap now, this baby is not waiting any longer!"
"Jeannette, you need to take deep breathes, okay? Just like how you've been practicing," Dr. Marshall tried to calm her down, but he clearly does not know my mother well enough.
"GIVE ME THE DAMN SPINAL TAP!"
And what my mother demands, my mother gets. It sure shut her up though, she was feeling better as soon as her contractions went away and that needle went into her back.
The doctor came back to check up on her after about thirty minutes and said that the it was time. She was properly "dilated" down there. A more formal way of saying she was about to pop.
"Okay Jeannette, it's time. Greg, I need your help here okay? Keep her calm."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" My mom kept screaming at the top of her lungs as the doctor kept telling her to push.
"One more, give a good hard push! I see the head! Jeannette you're almost there!"
And there she goes again, screaming even more. It was like a movie, the ones where a happy ending is about to happen and the audience is anticipating it. That moment when the baby comes out and is given to the mother to hold. A miracle in her hands.
"Okay Jeannette push one good last time!"
And then came cries, the baby was here.
"Dad? Will you do the honors?" My dad went over and cut off the umbilical chord, a real honor for the dad. Dr. Marshall handed the baby over to him to hold and he showed me. She was beautiful, gorgeous, and small. She was so small. She was so full of life.
"Hon, want to see our beautiful baby girl?" My dad walked over to my mom but there was something wrong. She wasn't opening her eyes and the monitors started to make that screech and monotone noise and the line was flat.
"Jeannette! Hang in there!" Dr. Marshall was screaming at my lifeless mothers body as he reached for the paddles and turned them on. "Clear!" And pumped it on my mothers chest, but nothing was happening. "Greg, you and your daughter need to leave now! Go to the waiting room!" We headed out but I kept staring at her, laying there still and no breath was leaving her body. She was pale and sweaty, her eyes were pierced shut and her head dangled to the left. What happened to my mother who was screaming a minute ago and had birthed a miracle into the world.
"Dad! What's going on? Why isn't mom waking up? I don't understand!" I piled on these questions to my dad as he just sat in the chair nearest the double doors. He just stared at them. Watching them wobble close and he didn't speak. For the next hour we just sat there together. Holding each others hands, with nothing to say.
Today birthed a miracle, a beautiful baby girl. Six pounds. Her name was Jeannette. Named after the mother who gave her life to let this miracle live on this planet when one was taken away. She was beautiful and she was a mirror image of her. She was the miracle that got to live.

Different

When you're growing up, you only think a certain way. That life is a storybook that has already been written for you. The villians are the robbers and the heroes are the police officers. The world was a simple concept to grab ahold of: eat, do your homework, take showers, and play. Once you hit that tween phase, where you're not really a teen but not a child anymore and your body starts to change, well that's the phase that I'm talking about. People stop sheltering you and you start to realize that the world is much more complicated. People can hurt you on purpose and have no feelings towards it, well you learn that those are the villians now. And the heroes? Well they become you're best friends, the ones that help you through this awkward phase of life. Then you become a teenager and you learn about love. Yes, you've now reached the "love" part in the story. You fall in love for the first time and it's like nothing you've felt before. You enjoy what it's like and then you experience your first heartbreak and learn that fairytales do not teach it right. Fall in love once doesn't mean you've found your prince charming yet. And this is when you hit the climax, when you enter adulthood. When you realize that you can't live in a fairytale all your life maintaining an innocence that you have to let go. This is when you venture out on your own and experience things first hand that you've only been hearing about until this moment. It's when you're given the freedom that you have always longed for. It's when you start to write the story yourself.
Live for the experience, because experience will always be the best teacher. - Alan Reese

End of a Legend

"I can't do it," I looked at the small object in my hand. It's a lot smaller than what people would expect. I mean I see it in the movies a lot, they make it seem life changing once you hold one of them. But it's really unimportant and not as life changing. But why could this small object make such a huge impact in the world. It's a lot colder too. The silver hard metal that has been sitting out in the cold for too long has freezed over a little bit. Too cold to hold onto for too long. I observed it for a little while longer as it sits in my lap untouched. Just sitting there waiting for someone to pick it up, waiting to be used, waiting to be fired.
"Just do it!" Jane yelled at me, "I hate this life! I hate everything about it!"
"You cant make me do this, you know I can't do this!"
I couldn't think about a moment that I would have to live without her. Cheesy or not, she was my life. Her beautiful green eyes were covered in black smudges and redder than the blood that would soon cover her body. She was a beauty in disguise beneath all of the imperfections that made her the girl I was in love with.
She reached over and grabbed my hands so tightly that she might as well have cut them off. She proceeded to grab the gun and place it gently in my hands. She was always so gentle with everything. She had this way of touching things with her soft hands that felt like silk running through my fingers. I know that familiar touch of her smooth hands as it ran over my face tracing every detail and surface of my body. It was her touch that I loved the most. It was her touch that kept me sane.
I couldn't lose that.
"Don't put me in this situation," tears started to run down my face uncontrollably. She had never seen me cry before. I never allowed it, I always wanted to keep the macho exterior that I was suppose to give off.
"I want you to be the one that does, there's no one else that I would want to do it.
I looked at it again. This object. I wanted to throw it away and save her from this path. I hated her for this. I hate her for what she's making me do.
"What would happen to me... Have you ever thought of that? I'll just end up losing you!" I looked at her and just stared knowing that this could be the last time I ever see her.
"You'll know I'm happier. You'll know I'm in a better place and you'll know I'll always love you." She rested her head in my lap and I just knew what had to be done.
"Okay..." I lifted her head up and kissed her. I kissed her for what seemed like hours but in reality it was not long enough. I held her in my arms and I told her everything that I could think of. I told her what she meant to me and how she made my life worth living; but most importantly, I told her "I love you, and you know I always have and always will."
"I know, and I love you too, which is why I need you to do this."
I held her tighter and whispered into her ear that I will miss her more than anything and that I love her as I raised the gun higher and pushed it against the back of her head. I softly told her goodbye and held her tighter as I listened to her sob into my chest. I could feel the water soaking up my shirt. I raised the revolver an inch higher so it wasn't against her head anymore but facing me. I told her I'm sorry for what I had to do and shot.
The world disappeared. And then I was gone.

Unstoppable

Molly Rozan grew up thinking she was unstoppable. Nothing could have touched her, not even a scratch. The things that happened to “unfortunate” people were unreal in her mind. She was a superhero in her own world. When tragedy had hit, she had no idea what to do.
December 1, 2008 was a beautiful day. It was the beauty of a dozen ruby red roses freshly cut sitting perfectly on a table with the bright sun shining to give it its final touch, the glow it needed. She went through her usual routine, brushing her teeth, eating breakfast, and going to school. She arrived to school at exactly 7:10 am that day, just in time for class. Everything was going smoothly, nothing out of the ordinary until around 9 am, her whole life changed.
“Are you alright Molly?” Emily asked her as she sat down suddenly.
“Yeah I’m just feeling really dizzy.”
“Well, I can take you to the nurse.”
“No… it’s okay, I can…” before she could even finish the sentence she was falling to the floor, hitting it right on the back of her head. Emily started screaming for help and all of a sudden it was as if the world had stopped and moved in slow motion as Molly regained consciousness. People coming from all sides rushing to see if she was okay, rushing to see just what was going on, rushing to see if she would be okay.
She laid in the hallway that was right next to her Math class and she couldn’t get up. She couldn’t move. An ambulance came to the school about thirty minutes later and immediately took her to the nearest Hospital. It was only 5 minutes away and they were there before she was even settled into the back of the ambulance that screeched loudly to alert everyone that someone was in danger.
She was put in her own room, hooked up to an IV and given fluids. She woke up right when her mother got there. “Oh my god Molly! What happened?” was all her mom could say to her. She looked over and saw the monitors beep to make sure she was still alive. She didn’t understand what was going on. Her mom told her that the doctor was going to be back soon and that she should just wait for the blood work results. Easier said than done.
At about 3:30 pm the doctor re-entered the room. He had a folder in his right hand and his glasses in his left. It’s never a good thing when a doctor takes off his glasses and slides the door closed slowly behind him. Then he proceeded to look up slowly and asked her how she was feeling. How else would she be feeling? She thought to herself, she had an IV stuck in her and no reason why she was even in the hospital.
“I’m fine,” Molly responded after she thought about a good enough answer.
“Well, that’s good to hear,” Doctor Rost responded. He grabbed a chair and sat down facing the two of them. He flipped open his folder and looked through the papers with a look of sorrow painted over his face. Whatever those papers said, it was not something he wanted to tell me.
“Well, there’s no easy way for me to say this Molly,” he said slowly as he reached for my arm, “Molly, I regret to tell you that you have Leukemia.”
She couldn’t speak. The sudden rush of fear took over her like a plague polluting her body. She looked to her right and saw her mom with tears coming down like a waterfall with an endless supply of water coming from nowhere. She couldn’t cry, she couldn’t speak, and she couldn’t feel anything but fear.
December 1, 2008 was a day that Molly Rozan will remember as the day that changed her life. Nothing was the same since.

Sweet Serendipity

I was only cleaning up after his mess. I didn’t think I would happen to come across this clandestine present. It was a cerulean box, small and square. Upon finding it, immediately I was discombobulated. I begin to think about all of the things it could be, fluctuating between an anniversary present or something much more important. I ran my fingers over the white silky ribbon tied neatly in a bow shape. The sensation that spread throughout my body started to take over. I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t open it. But I had to. I had to do this surreptitiously; he could not know that I had found this. I pulled the left side of the ribbon and watched it as it came apart. It was mesmerizing and entrancing, I could not stop. I had stripped the first layer off and all that was left to do was to lift the top off. In one smooth motion, the lid was off. Instantly, in a halcyon state, I had no words. It was the most beautiful ring I have ever laid my eyes on, the sunlight illuminated on it just perfectly. It was glowing from all angles. It was sweet serendipity that I could not wait to put on.

Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.

Life

Sunlight
It has been ten years. Ten years lost. I felt the scar that was permanently etched into my forehead, the jagged bumps raised as I ran my fingers over it. I remembered the rush of the car running into mine, the feeling of losing myself as my seatbelt had broken off, snapped and flung into the air. My body propelled through the glass, the sharp broken pieces pierced into my body, blood trickled down every surface. Then, like a bad movie, I remembered hitting the floor miles away from my damaged car, and then nothing.
I had woken up to my mother smiling, not just a regular smile, but a smile that had stretched from one ear to the other. The room was bright, with white lights that shined in my eyes like headlights in the middle of the night. Tears started to pour out of her eyes as she grabbed me with her smooth hands that seemed unfamiliar when she first touched me. Something sweet started to fill my nose, what was it? Flowers, it smelled faint, but strong enough to have brought back a familiar feeling of warmth. I started to hear commotions, people rushed into my room screaming, “I can’t believe she woke up!”
Leaving the hospital was a memory worth remembering. I recorded everything that was happening around me. I walked out of the sliding doors and felt the suns rays hit my skin, it was hot, hot beams that made its way throughout my entire body. It was bright, forcing me to squint my eyes, hard to see through the light that covered the world like a blanket. I could see things vividly, the bright greens on the leaves shot out and the rainbow of cars lined up in the parking lot. Then I saw something that was unfamiliar. It was a field filled with nothing but a few flowers. Something took over my body, something wanted me to run, and so I did.
I felt the breeze hit me, a wind tunnel with warm air pushing against my skin. I reached the edge of the field where green grass met the gray pavement. I kicked off the blue shoes that were suffocating my feet and ripped off my jacket as I made a dash into the unknown. I stepped over the line of safety and felt the sharp yet soft grass hit the soles of my feet; I felt it make its way through my toes. I saw the flowers, the dandelions and sunflowers that gave life to the world. They took over the insides of my body, filled it with the smell of sweet life blossoming. I collapsed to the ground; I had hit the earth and barely made a dent. I felt the indent of my body into the dirt beneath me. The grass took me, engulfed me into the earth, blooming me to let me enjoy life once again. The sun gave me energy as the warm rays hit my face and I smiled. I smiled for hours as I laid there.
Something was wrong, something wasn’t right. The world just disappeared and it was black again. I was stuck in this world of emptiness and it was all just a dream.

A Villanelle for a not so special occasion

Hospitals

Never have I seen a more extraordinary place,
never have I been more shocked to see,
never will there be a more shocking space.

There are those that linger through with grace,
watching over a place like a dead sea.
Never have I seen a place with a kinder embrace.

The ones that have passed away now travel through a race,
running through the halls and not a person can see.
Never will there be a more shocking space.

There are the ones that stand by in sickness waiting for a blessing grace,
from someone above or someone willing to help them be.
Never have I seen a place with a kinder embrace.

However there will be the ones that are not so lucky in this place,
the ones not as fortunate than some that survive for another day to see.
Never will there be a more shocking space.

One must hope that in this space,
people all find the survival key.
Never have I seen a place with a kinder embrace.
Never will there be a more shocking space.

new perspectives

Date Night

It’s been marked in history that Friday night is date night, but whoever made that rule should dig a hole and rot in it. It’s not that it’s hard to find a date; it’s more of the obligation that drives me nuts. But in all honesty, sitting at home alone and knowing everyone else is out finding love just drives me crazy.
Which I guess is what drove me to this terribly awkward situation -- a blind date. Now, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be but no one ever gave me the guidelines as to what to do when the date is over. Where are those rules when I need them?
“Well I had a great time, thanks again for not getting upset when I spilled the drink all over your pants.”
“Oh, it was no problem. I mean we all have our moments.”
“But still thanks again! I guess I should leave now, it is getting late.”
“Oh, okay, I’ll walk you to your door.”
When he got out of the car I just kept thinking to myself, I really do not know anything about this guy. Other than some simple things such as the fact that he can’t keep a car clean, there’s old food wrappers everywhere, a person would think he would have had the decency to clean up when he’s about to take a girl out on a date.
He reached for the car handle and I stepped out of the car and started to head to my front door. Now this is the dreadful moment that I hoped would never have come. I took my time with him by my side, walked around the lawn on the stone path that led up my drive way, checked to see if the roses were blooming by the front porch, and walked slowly up the steps listening to the creaks of each step as every silent moment ticked by.
“Well here we are,” I looked at him only to realize I started staring without realizing it.
“Yes, here we are. We should do this again sometime, I had a great time with you, and I would love to get to know you better. Let’s do this again next weekend.”
“Uhhh… sure.”
Oh dear lord, really? This is the torture that I must be put through? I looked up and smiled shyly at his face that had started coming towards mine. What did he think would happen from this one date? His eyes were closed, which forced him to not be able to see the painful reaction that has taken over my expression; I had roughly 5 seconds before I faced his pruney, perched lips that soon devoured my face.
“Perfect then! I’ll pick you up at seven, on Friday!”
“Um, yeah, that will be great…”
Finally, he turned around and headed back to his car. The only thought that ran through my head was that I really had to learn how to say no to people.



Date Night

I didn’t think it was possible for people to actually find their “true loves” off of a single blind date; however, I think this might have turned me into a believer. She was a friend of a friend, I was hesitant to go at first, sure, but who wouldn’t be? I guess it was the thought that it was a Friday night and I had nothing else to do.
“Well I had a great time, thanks again for not getting upset when I spilled the drink all over your pants.”
“Oh, it was no problem. I mean we all have our moments.”
“But still thanks again! I guess I should leave now, it is getting late.”
“Oh, okay, I’ll walk you to your door.”
I walked around the front of the car and made my way to her side, I turned my head and secretly checked my breath. What am I kidding I didn’t have to do that, I mean I know I don’t smell, she’s been all over me all night. Plus it’s obvious that
she’s just as into me as I am with her, after that date, who wouldn’t be into me?
“Well here we are.”
“Yes, here we are. We should do this again sometime, I had a great time with you, and I would love to get to know you better. Let’s do this again next weekend.”
“Uhhh… sure.”
She was basically begging to go on another date. If anything, I would be doing her a favor by graciously giving her my presence for another one. I could tell by her expression that she really wanted a kiss; I didn’t blame her because I would want a kiss from a guy like me also. I just slowly leaned in and gave her a big kiss; I could feel her holding onto me for as long as possible, she basically hoped that I wouldn’t back off.
“Perfect then! I’ll pick you up at seven, on Friday!”
“Um, yeah, that will be great…”
I turned around and headed for my car, the only thought that ran through my mind was how I just gave her the best damn night of her life.

in dedication

Familiarity

The Goodbye

He was young. Young and naïve, nowhere near ready to leave. I could count the amount of times he has changed his mind: chicken or steak for dinner, chocolate or vanilla ice cream, blue or green shirt. How could he make up his mind about something this drastic, this life changing?
“I know what you’re thinking. I know you think I’m too young.”
“I only worry for you, I don’t think you’re ready for this.”
“You have to stop worrying about me, it’s time to let me go, I can make my own decisions now.”
“What if…” tears start running down my cheeks as he reaches over to wipe them away.
“Mom, I’ll be fine, I’ll be back before you know it, set the table for me and I’ll be sitting there for Thanksgiving like I never left.”
We stood in the silent base with families all around us and, I look at him for a moment, “Do you remember that day I took you to the sunflower field?”
Chuckling, “Yes, I do.”
“You rode that bike all around. Eight years old and so full of energy, you were able to ride for hours, and when it started to get dark I would let you ride home as I chased after you. And when we finally made it home you would wait for dinner to be ready and sit right across from Dad,” I started to smile and thought to myself about how he hoped one day to grow as old as his dad was, to have a family and live what I was able to experience. How can he do that if he leaves and never comes back?
“That was a great day mom, twelve years ago and it still seems like it was just yesterday.”
“Well, now look at you, I barely recognize you anymore! All grown up, only thing that will always be there is that little birthmark you have right there,” I touched the skin right under his left ear, “That’s how I’ll know that you’re my boy.”
I start to look around, hoping to remember everything about this moment. His hair is gone, cut short during boot camp, he had lost weight, and grew muscles that were never there before. He’s a new man, different than the boy I knew. He still has the birthmark under his left ear, a darker spot than his normal skin tone. It was something familiar, something for me to recognize him by no matter what changes he goes through.
“You’re being deported to Afghanistan for a year Jake! That’s a really long time.”
“I’ll tell you what. I’ll dodge bullets, I’ll stay hidden, and I’ll do whatever you want me to do to believe I will be fine.”
“That’s not the point sweetheart, it’s dangerous over there, it’s not like you’re in boot camp anymore once you step onto their land. It’ll be real guns, and real people dying around you…” the Captain cut me off.
“Soldier Martin!” the Captain ordered him, “time to head out.”
“Sir, yes, sir.”
He turns to me, “Okay, this is it. It’s time for me to leave.”
“Come here,” I reach over for a hug.
“Mom, I’ll be back, this isn’t going to be the last time you see me!”
Tears start to form, as if I was unable to control my own body, I held onto my boy as tight as possible, hoping this would keep him from leaving.
“When I leave, you better stop all of this crying! I can’t leave knowing the most important woman in my life is crying all of the time!”
“I know, I know, I just can't face the fact of losing you. But, don’t worry about me and worry about yourself more,” I managed a smile.
“Mom, I love you and I’ll see you at Thanksgiving, I’ll be back. I promise.”
“You better not just be saying that Jacob Martin to make your mom feel better. Send me letters everyday, and eat, ok? Do not forget to eat. But… most importantly…” I manage to scream to him from a distance, “stay safe ok?”
He smiles and turns around as he leaves with the rest of his troop; his stature of a man that I barely know now.
“I’ll see you soon…”

Thursday, never looking back.

Thursday, I don't care about you.

"It's Friday I'm in love..."
Is it bad that since the start of my Freshman year in college I have suddenly grew the need for weekends to come? Not just Thursdays (the mark of the weekend for many) but actual Friday. It's freedom from the papers and exams I have to take, but most importantly it's the time that I get to be with the people I love. I'm not just writing this to be cheesy and lovey-dovey but really, unlike many others out there, I actually enjoy being with my friends.
Well as usual I come back from class and sit in front of my laptop listening to music, and all of a sudden this song comes on. And it makes me so happy to hear it I jumped up from my seat and started screaming the lyrics (not enjoyable, I know, but entirely worth it). The only reason for this inspiration to write this blog is because readers out there in the interweb, tomorrow is Friday. Not just any Friday, but a weekend that I will be surrounded with people I do enjoy being around and have went through four years if not more with. And now I guess I should lead into my main reason for writing this: Katharine Rentz. (:
Best Friends since 3rd grade? If not sooner, boy oh boy I have basically grown up with her. Not only has she seen me at my worst, but she has seen me through my middle school years, and I'm being honest, who looks good in middle school ever? She has put up with me and most importantly she has literally been the shoulder available at all hours of the week for me to cry on. When I say literally I mean she really did sit there on the floor and let me cry on her shoulder. I remember it clearly and I have a bad memory guys, I had just found out my ex-boyfriend had cheated on me and she stayed up until the break of dawn to just hear me cry as we let the darkness of the room engulf us in. We have gone through our dumb moments as well: sledding with trashbags in the attempt that it would actually work, making bizarre food creations thinking we were the most amazing chefs to ever walk on the planet, making the princess show on videos (I still miss my precious dog), and there have been more that I am just incapable of thinking of right now. We have been through the phase of always riding bikes around and walking to places, until I got my license then it just all went downhill from there and physical activity was out of the question. Well anyways, I could go on and on about everything we have been through but the main point that I am trying to approach is...
My best friend is coming to visit me this weekend in good old Towson! (:
So for all of you reading this, "Thursday, I don't care about you. It's Friday I'm in love."
<3

not so perfect

Creatively Writing

Almost Perfect

“It wasn’t his time…”
You know, they say never regret what happens in life, this would be the only exception. Regret? That word can’t even describe how I feel. It was two days ago; we were sitting underneath the cherry blossom tree in our favorite field- the one by the old church. Green grass that stretches miles long, never-ending, a sea of dandelions brushed by the breeze. It was a dream in reality.
“Would you miss me?”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“It can happen at any moment.”
Nothing out of the ordinary as I watched his eyes soften and his lips open slightly muttering the words under his breath, avoiding my gaze, knowing very well this could escalade at any moment. It was anger, I swear it was only out of anger, demanding him to leave, to go away, far away. Death wasn’t suppose to happen to anyone I knew. Death wasn’t suppose to occur near me, why talk about it?
“Just leave…”
“Don’t do this Michelle.”
“Go.”
One word. I regret it from the moment it left my mouth. Watching him leave, walk away from the tree and leaving me behind. It took what seemed like a lifetime for him to reach the end of the field to his parked dark blue pickup truck, he opened his door, looked at me with his light green eyes, with the tint of blue in the left one, mouthing something, something I could make out clearly.
I love you.
I took a picture, with my eyes, of that exact moment- white crinkled shirt, navy blue jeans, scuffed up running shoes, his dark brown messy hair, and his lips, mouthing those three words. Sunday evening, the sky was clear blue with enough clouds that I could count, the sun shining above me, hitting my arm and warming me up just enough, birds flying around with nowhere to go, kids running around the field escaping their parents, and Christians leaving church, talking among themselves. In all of this commotion, I focus on him getting into his car. I hear the engine roar from a distance, he pulls out of the parking lot and making a sharp left, a car runs a stop sign.
Breathless. Shocked. It was all my fault.

enough said.

Good Universe

"Listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door: let's go." - E.E. Cummings
This must be my favorite quote that has ever existed. Not only is E.E. Cummings a mastermind of his own but he speaks the truth. I do not know if it is the excitement or mystery that intrigues me more about the next door. The horizon, the impossible, the unknown, the world beyond my surroundings, the mysteries that could unfold. Whatever it is, I do know, it's going to be good. Now isn't that a good outlook on life. Sure is better than expecting the worse. Now don't tell me you've never heard of "hope for the best and expect the worse." Forget that and follow this one, much better isn't it? Wouldn't you rather have a hell of a good universe instead of expecting the worse?
Now I'm not going to lie, we all just naturally expect the worse in things. I mean I am guilty of this act too, why be let down when you don't expect it at first? I'll make the promise today, everyone should follow.
I want to go to the unknown, I want to expect the best and hope for the best, I want to travel beyond my surroundings, and I want to go, I want to let go of everything and just go. It can be surprising, it can take me by surprise, or it can surprise my life. Either one of those, I will be satisfied. So for all of you reading this, there is a hell of a good universe next door. So let's go.

Life is good.

Written for creative writing

Memory of Steve Jobs
Shuffle, pause, play, and repeat. True visionary and greatest inventor of this decade, he was a force to be reckoned with. Starting out with a small rectangular shape of an IPod, he already struck the world with a creation that will change lives. Running, biking, and driving, the IPod was taken everywhere. To be able to carry all of the music a person listens to around in one small object was shocking already, however he was not done. With the invention of the Mac computer, he had struck the world with yet another genius creation. The form of a laptop as sleek and thin, it can do everything a regular computer can minus the evils of viruses. He was not done surprising the world with his creative mind, he must come out with one more. The IPad soon hit the markets, flooding the world with its capability to act like a laptop. It holds the form of a square, all touch screen, mini computer, its possibilities were endless. Surf the web and listen to music, all while still compatible to take anywhere. Steve Jobs was a true visionary and greatest inventor of this decade, he was a force to be reckoned with. Steve Jobs was a man of many talents, able to impact the world in ways no one will ever be able to. Steve Jobs will live on forever in the form of a small rectangular shape of an IPod.

let's take a trip

"A pictures paints a thousand words." not necessarily true in my eyes. I see it more as paint a picture with a thousand words. What words can do that many unfortunate people do not know, is create life and feeling. Words have traveled throughout the world as for many people in the world have not. What words can do more efficiently than people is bring them to a place they want to go.

I feel bad for those that have not discovered the true art of writing. Taking a person on a journey to Hogwarts is only capable in writing. You can take a trip to England if you wanted while you're sitting in San Diego, California waiting for breakfast. A book alone is painting a story, a book of 2 pages or 1000. So why not venture into your favorite novel, or better yet, why not write your own novel. Start your own picture with one sentence and let that sentence guide you to create a story, a story that unfolds like each brushstroke unfolds a new picture. Words are brushstrokes, brushstrokes that portray your imagination and creates a story.

K.Rob.

"My little sushi taco." "Let's go get our nips pierced." "Scoot over ricecake." "In and around your mouth." No these are not quotes from Steven Spielberg, Albert Einstein, or whoever a normal person would quote. These are all from a girl that most of you will not know of - K.Rob. The amount of times I can count how many times this one-of-a-kind person refers to "penis" or "p***y" I would be able to officially name myself as a multi-billionaire. However, I do love her mind. To be able to jump from one topic, whether it'd be going to the mall to buy clothes - to her that would translate to "you want to go to the mall to get dildos???!" Don't be feared now, she's not crazy, she's just not like anyone you would be able to duplicate.
She is someone to hold onto however, helping me with my hypochondriac needs to making sure I wear my knee brace. What would I do without a person reminding me of things that I need to do. No you can not have her, I know most of you will be asking that, I mean why wouldn't you, in fact, the minute you read nips pierced you should have just jumped out of your seat frantically finding out who this mysterious yet wacky K.Rob. is.
I believe anyone could name a list of all of the things I do not like. However what would make her different from any of those people, she is one of the few that will not hate me for disliking g**g**s. (: But that is okay, because I do not judge her for turning each and every situation into a sexual remark, bruises on my leg? Common solution is obviously I have a molester that creeps into my room at night. Oh how could you not love her for her clever and should be obvious explanations for everything. Her hearing should be blamed though, since that is the only reason dicks and penises are involved in everything. We all just want to store our bread and eat our honey obviously.

Excitement

"The idea of waiting for something, makes it more exciting." - Andy Warhol
Whoever thought that this would make sense in the slightest bit. Waiting? Pshh, waiting is torture to anyone I can think of. But to think about it becoming more exciting? Well Mr. Andy Warhol, you have spoken genius words right there.
I have not had to do so much waiting in the past year as I have done this week alone. Waiting for the weekend that is, and boy has it come full force. Andy Warhol you have spoken the truth, not only has waiting been torture, but it has made me anticipate each moment leading up to this moment now. This Friday has become the MOST exciting of the week. So maybe there is some truth to those wise words Andy Warhol has once spoken and slabbed on a piece of shiny paper, right above his face and called it art. That's art right there. Art that I will always understand.

Short Life Lived

If asked, then the answer is yes. Faced with the problem each day, I simply have just found a knack for saying yes. No has never been my area of strength, but if you are reading this you will most likely already know that. I budge, I give in, I am no leader. Saying yes comes second nature to me. If anything was based solely on my control, I would have given away all of my possessions to those around me. No is not in my vocabulary.
Why am I even saying this? Well yesterday, 10/07/11 a true visionary has died, and left the world. Steve Jobs, never saying no to his true ideas.‎"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life," couldn't have said it any better. I have thought of this extraordinary man as a true idol. "Don't waste it living someone else's life," those words will be engraved into myself as I realize that in order to succeed in my own life, I have live my own life. No was a word that I must be familiar with now. To say no to those that change what I believe in. To say no to those that stand in my way, because my time is limited. I now know the true meaning to that one sentence that Steve Jobs has left for the world to know, the one piece of wisdom that he has left for the world to embrace. The one piece of wisdom that I am now able to live by. He has created the biggest franchise in the world in my opinion all by a single idea created in a garage as he was messing around with his friend. He succeeded in life for he never gave up his ideas and his beliefs. It is a true wonder, I'm telling all of you, it's rare. Hard to possess really, the qualities that he had. I am truly blessed to say I have lived in his era, his time of legendary trademarks.
For all of you reading this, this was not a blog to cry about how pathetic I am when it comes to the act of saying no. I am not complaining about how weak I am and crumble to the orders of others. I know I am those things. This is a blog to commend one of the greatest visionary, mastermind, and idol of our time -- Steve Jobs. Forever he will live in my life, for his words have made an impact on the way I will live it.