Familiarity

The Goodbye

He was young. Young and naïve, nowhere near ready to leave. I could count the amount of times he has changed his mind: chicken or steak for dinner, chocolate or vanilla ice cream, blue or green shirt. How could he make up his mind about something this drastic, this life changing?
“I know what you’re thinking. I know you think I’m too young.”
“I only worry for you, I don’t think you’re ready for this.”
“You have to stop worrying about me, it’s time to let me go, I can make my own decisions now.”
“What if…” tears start running down my cheeks as he reaches over to wipe them away.
“Mom, I’ll be fine, I’ll be back before you know it, set the table for me and I’ll be sitting there for Thanksgiving like I never left.”
We stood in the silent base with families all around us and, I look at him for a moment, “Do you remember that day I took you to the sunflower field?”
Chuckling, “Yes, I do.”
“You rode that bike all around. Eight years old and so full of energy, you were able to ride for hours, and when it started to get dark I would let you ride home as I chased after you. And when we finally made it home you would wait for dinner to be ready and sit right across from Dad,” I started to smile and thought to myself about how he hoped one day to grow as old as his dad was, to have a family and live what I was able to experience. How can he do that if he leaves and never comes back?
“That was a great day mom, twelve years ago and it still seems like it was just yesterday.”
“Well, now look at you, I barely recognize you anymore! All grown up, only thing that will always be there is that little birthmark you have right there,” I touched the skin right under his left ear, “That’s how I’ll know that you’re my boy.”
I start to look around, hoping to remember everything about this moment. His hair is gone, cut short during boot camp, he had lost weight, and grew muscles that were never there before. He’s a new man, different than the boy I knew. He still has the birthmark under his left ear, a darker spot than his normal skin tone. It was something familiar, something for me to recognize him by no matter what changes he goes through.
“You’re being deported to Afghanistan for a year Jake! That’s a really long time.”
“I’ll tell you what. I’ll dodge bullets, I’ll stay hidden, and I’ll do whatever you want me to do to believe I will be fine.”
“That’s not the point sweetheart, it’s dangerous over there, it’s not like you’re in boot camp anymore once you step onto their land. It’ll be real guns, and real people dying around you…” the Captain cut me off.
“Soldier Martin!” the Captain ordered him, “time to head out.”
“Sir, yes, sir.”
He turns to me, “Okay, this is it. It’s time for me to leave.”
“Come here,” I reach over for a hug.
“Mom, I’ll be back, this isn’t going to be the last time you see me!”
Tears start to form, as if I was unable to control my own body, I held onto my boy as tight as possible, hoping this would keep him from leaving.
“When I leave, you better stop all of this crying! I can’t leave knowing the most important woman in my life is crying all of the time!”
“I know, I know, I just can't face the fact of losing you. But, don’t worry about me and worry about yourself more,” I managed a smile.
“Mom, I love you and I’ll see you at Thanksgiving, I’ll be back. I promise.”
“You better not just be saying that Jacob Martin to make your mom feel better. Send me letters everyday, and eat, ok? Do not forget to eat. But… most importantly…” I manage to scream to him from a distance, “stay safe ok?”
He smiles and turns around as he leaves with the rest of his troop; his stature of a man that I barely know now.
“I’ll see you soon…”