Chris Walsh

The clock hit 9 PM and I looked at the stack of papers still sitting on my desk. The new building that would be placed next to the grocery story on Goshen Road was nowhere near finished. I couldn’t concentrate anymore on it. My wife was probably waiting up at home with a mug of hot chocolate and the TV on FOX but she won’t be watching it. Instead she will be snug in her white robe and pink slippers reading her latest romance novel. Somehow, that seems much better than this dark and cold office. “I’m calling it a night Greg,” I walked out of my office and looked at my assistant, “You can leave now too.” “Thank you Mr. Walsh!” His eyes shot open as if we haven’t been here for nearly 14 hours already. A sudden burst of energy to leave so early I suppose. I walked back into my office and gathered my belongings into my suitcase. I grabbed my coat and keys and proceeded to head out of the building. I noticed my intern had already darted out of the building faster than I could even leave my office. Interns. When I walked out to the parking lot, I noticed the rain had been picking up after pouring from the sky all day. Well, at least I get to go home and enjoy the night in with my wife. Driving home was very relaxing. Hearing the rain hit the top of my car, like drumsticks, beating on tin cans. Sending vibrations from the back of the car to the hood. I pulled up in my driveway and saw the room light shining through the otherwise dark house. Comfort starts to warm my body up as I quickly run up to the front door and unlock it. I figured I would surprise Amy as I set my suitcase and coat by the closet. I creep up the wooden stairs just missing the third step since the creek would immediately give me away. Reaching the top of the stairs, I saw the door just cracked open a little, allowing the light to dimly pierce the dark hallway. Tiptoeing closer I saw something strange. Her robe. It wasn’t on her, but next to the door. I inched closer and closer until all that was left was me and the cracked door. I tapped it with my finger and it started to open even more, ever so slowly. The shower was running. I followed the string of clothes to the bathroom when I saw her. Naked. In the shower. With a man that wasn’t me. What seemed like an hour has passed. In reality, maybe five minutes. I stood there. Frozen. Just staring at them. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move. I didn’t even know what to say if I could. My heart picked up its pace and my brain was sending no waves to move any part of my body. I tried hard to move my right arm just enough to grab a towel and fling it at the shower door. That’s when she looked up and met my eyes. She looked at me with her eyes wide open and her mouth slightly ajar. Like she had seen an intruder. “Chris…” Hearing the sound of my name being uttered from her mouth was disgusting. I couldn’t say anything. I only knew how to turn around and run out. I drove and drove but my mind kept racing. I needed to go somewhere to escape from all of this. I drove to the local bar in town where at least I could take some time for myself to think. I ran in to avoid the rain drenching my clothes. The bar was lightly dimmed. There was a couple sitting in the booth near the bathroom and two elderly looking men sitting at the bar. Gina was working tonight, she looked up when I entered and gave me a small smile. I nodded in return. “What brings you in tonight, Chris?” “The wife.” I didn’t know how else to respond. “I just need a drink Gina.” She slid a glass of whiskey in front of me and I drank that as if it was water. I lifted my hand, signaling for a refill. She came over and filled it right up. It was magic. I needed something fixed and she was able to make it right in five seconds. It was unreal. After six glasses and a conversation about how the world is out to get me, Gina finally decides that enough is enough. “I’m cutting you off Chris,” Gina looked at me with concern. “No, keep them coming.” “You need to go home.” “I have no home anymore. There’s no one there that I need.” “Chris, you can’t take it out on yourself, she chose to do that herself, she made the mistake, not you. I’m going to call you a taxi.” She looked at me with sorrow in her eyes that only people give when they feel pity for the other person. I hate it when people do that, I don’t need pity, I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me. I grabbed my jacket and keys and ran out. I heard her start to yell something but it didn’t matter anymore I was half way out of the door. The rain was getting heavier, I don’t know if it was the wind making everything blur together or if it was the fact that I had too much to drink. Whatever it was I just wanted to get home and fall on the ground so I didn’t have to stand anymore. Running to the car I almost tripped a couple of times over the wet, slippery ground until I realized that I can’t see straight without losing my balance. I was surprised that I even reached the car, thinking that I just went through the hardest obstacle until I realized that I had to still drive home. There was a moment where I thought that maybe I shouldn’t be driving at the state I was in but it didn’t matter. What matter was the fact that I had just found my wife in the hands of another man that was soon clouding my judgment with anger. A little bit down the street the rain started to pick up and my windshield wipers seemed like they couldn’t move fast enough. The water was covering my windshield and made it look like I was looking face down at a pond. Blurred vision that was hard to see through was making it difficult to continue driving. Through the rainwater I saw a blur of red but something started buzzing. Chris, please come home. We should talk baby. Talk? Did she really think the one thing I would want to do was talk? I pushed down harder on the accelerator and I couldn’t make out exactly what was ahead until … Pressing as hard as I could on the brakes, the car just wouldn’t stop until the car in front of me stopped it for me. My car started to swerve in a circle and the airbag exploded right into my face. And then it was black. Waking up, I felt my chest beating up and down as I took deep breaths trying to recollect what just happened. My head was pounding and I noticed that I was upside down, I was being held up by the top of my head resting on the roof of my car. I reached to my right side trying to unbuckle my seat belt but I felt a sharp pain run through my right arm whenever I moved it. I held my breath and reached as far as I could until the seatbelt snapped off and I fell forward hitting the exploded airbag and slamming into the wheel. I pushed the door open and crawled out of the car. I was barely able to stand out and I couldn’t make out what I was looking at. As my vision started to straighten up a little bit I saw a car in front of me. It was flipped over. It was about a good distance away from my car. I looked down and followed the black marks on the ground where the car must’ve slid. Did I do that? I walked over, feeling every beat of my heart ready to break through my chest as my breathing started to pick up. I panicked; I didn’t know what to do. Was anyone in the car? I could barely see with the rain falling into my eyes, but I could make out a girl, with long blonde hair. She had blood coming out of what looked like every part of her head. I started to pull her out and saw a guy sitting next to her. I dropped her on the ground by the hood almost as if I thought I could protect her from the rain. As if I could protect her now. I dropped to my knees. I crawled over to the stop sign. I couldn’t look at them. My face was wet. There was no difference between the rain and my tears anymore. I was numb and I couldn’t breathe. I needed to get help. But my body wouldn’t move, no matter how much I willed it to. I looked up from my knees at the accident again and saw a boy crawling out of the car. He was limping. I shot up with a sudden rush of fear running through my veins. “You’re alive!” I started to walk over to him with my arms stretched out to help him up but he pushed me off with the little energy that he had left. “Where’s my sister?” Was all that he said. I realized at that moment that the girl I pulled out. The girl I laid on the ground. “I’m so sorry, please forgive me.” I had no other words. He started grabbing me with force and shaking me, screaming for me to show him where she was. I couldn’t show him. I couldn’t be the man that was able to own the actions that he made. I was a coward. I backed away from him. Tears falling harder. I heard myself saying how sorry I was; yet I cannot recall saying it. I was standing from the outside watching myself as I backed away from him and fell to my knees. Burying my head in my hands as I kept saying sorry. As if that would bring her back to life. I watched him. I watched his every move. The way he forced himself up and walked over to the other side of his car. When he found his sister lying under the hood of it. The way he started to cry. He was a man that I would never be. Watching him hold his sister, lifeless in his hands. I couldn’t face what I had done. I started to run. My house was only a couple seconds away. I could make it if I never looked back. If I never saw them again. I saw the hint of light blue that made our mailbox stand out from the other neighbors black ones. I told Amy we should’ve painted it black too. But she insisted. And now I do not regret it. It was a sight of warmth that I needed right now. I ran to the front door and pounded on it, waking up Amy. She opened the door and looked at me, staring at me with concern in her brown eyes. “What happened Chris?” I didn’t say anything I just walked in and took my coat off. I walked into the kitchen and filled up a glass of water. I heard her voice. It sounded like she was miles away. Chris! Talk to me! What happened? I couldn’t speak. I just stared out of the kitchen window and finished my water. I turned around and looked at her. “I’m sorry Amy.” She was crying. Her eyes had black tears running down her cheeks. Her cheeks. Her hair. The soft touch. Things that would never be mine again. I grabbed the knife next to me and held it up to my face. I caught a glimpse of my reflection, at a man that I wish I never became. I didn’t cry anymore. I forced the knife into my stomach. I felt the plunge. Deeper into my body. I felt faint and my knees gave out. I hit the floor and felt my eyes roll until everything was black.