"I can't do it," I looked at the small object in my hand. It's a lot smaller than what people would expect. I mean I see it in the movies a lot, they make it seem life changing once you hold one of them. But it's really unimportant and not as life changing. But why could this small object make such a huge impact in the world. It's a lot colder too. The silver hard metal that has been sitting out in the cold for too long has freezed over a little bit. Too cold to hold onto for too long. I observed it for a little while longer as it sits in my lap untouched. Just sitting there waiting for someone to pick it up, waiting to be used, waiting to be fired.
"Just do it!" Jane yelled at me, "I hate this life! I hate everything about it!"
"You cant make me do this, you know I can't do this!"
I couldn't think about a moment that I would have to live without her. Cheesy or not, she was my life. Her beautiful green eyes were covered in black smudges and redder than the blood that would soon cover her body. She was a beauty in disguise beneath all of the imperfections that made her the girl I was in love with.
She reached over and grabbed my hands so tightly that she might as well have cut them off. She proceeded to grab the gun and place it gently in my hands. She was always so gentle with everything. She had this way of touching things with her soft hands that felt like silk running through my fingers. I know that familiar touch of her smooth hands as it ran over my face tracing every detail and surface of my body. It was her touch that I loved the most. It was her touch that kept me sane.
I couldn't lose that.
"Don't put me in this situation," tears started to run down my face uncontrollably. She had never seen me cry before. I never allowed it, I always wanted to keep the macho exterior that I was suppose to give off.
"I want you to be the one that does, there's no one else that I would want to do it.
I looked at it again. This object. I wanted to throw it away and save her from this path. I hated her for this. I hate her for what she's making me do.
"What would happen to me... Have you ever thought of that? I'll just end up losing you!" I looked at her and just stared knowing that this could be the last time I ever see her.
"You'll know I'm happier. You'll know I'm in a better place and you'll know I'll always love you." She rested her head in my lap and I just knew what had to be done.
"Okay..." I lifted her head up and kissed her. I kissed her for what seemed like hours but in reality it was not long enough. I held her in my arms and I told her everything that I could think of. I told her what she meant to me and how she made my life worth living; but most importantly, I told her "I love you, and you know I always have and always will."
"I know, and I love you too, which is why I need you to do this."
I held her tighter and whispered into her ear that I will miss her more than anything and that I love her as I raised the gun higher and pushed it against the back of her head. I softly told her goodbye and held her tighter as I listened to her sob into my chest. I could feel the water soaking up my shirt. I raised the revolver an inch higher so it wasn't against her head anymore but facing me. I told her I'm sorry for what I had to do and shot.
The world disappeared. And then I was gone.
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