When you're growing up, you only think a certain way. That life is a storybook that has already been written for you. The villians are the robbers and the heroes are the police officers. The world was a simple concept to grab ahold of: eat, do your homework, take showers, and play. Once you hit that tween phase, where you're not really a teen but not a child anymore and your body starts to change, well that's the phase that I'm talking about. People stop sheltering you and you start to realize that the world is much more complicated. People can hurt you on purpose and have no feelings towards it, well you learn that those are the villians now. And the heroes? Well they become you're best friends, the ones that help you through this awkward phase of life. Then you become a teenager and you learn about love. Yes, you've now reached the "love" part in the story. You fall in love for the first time and it's like nothing you've felt before. You enjoy what it's like and then you experience your first heartbreak and learn that fairytales do not teach it right. Fall in love once doesn't mean you've found your prince charming yet. And this is when you hit the climax, when you enter adulthood. When you realize that you can't live in a fairytale all your life maintaining an innocence that you have to let go. This is when you venture out on your own and experience things first hand that you've only been hearing about until this moment. It's when you're given the freedom that you have always longed for. It's when you start to write the story yourself.
Live for the experience, because experience will always be the best teacher. - Alan Reese
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
End of a Legend
"I can't do it," I looked at the small object in my hand. It's a lot smaller than what people would expect. I mean I see it in the movies a lot, they make it seem life changing once you hold one of them. But it's really unimportant and not as life changing. But why could this small object make such a huge impact in the world. It's a lot colder too. The silver hard metal that has been sitting out in the cold for too long has freezed over a little bit. Too cold to hold onto for too long. I observed it for a little while longer as it sits in my lap untouched. Just sitting there waiting for someone to pick it up, waiting to be used, waiting to be fired.
"Just do it!" Jane yelled at me, "I hate this life! I hate everything about it!"
"You cant make me do this, you know I can't do this!"
I couldn't think about a moment that I would have to live without her. Cheesy or not, she was my life. Her beautiful green eyes were covered in black smudges and redder than the blood that would soon cover her body. She was a beauty in disguise beneath all of the imperfections that made her the girl I was in love with.
She reached over and grabbed my hands so tightly that she might as well have cut them off. She proceeded to grab the gun and place it gently in my hands. She was always so gentle with everything. She had this way of touching things with her soft hands that felt like silk running through my fingers. I know that familiar touch of her smooth hands as it ran over my face tracing every detail and surface of my body. It was her touch that I loved the most. It was her touch that kept me sane.
I couldn't lose that.
"Don't put me in this situation," tears started to run down my face uncontrollably. She had never seen me cry before. I never allowed it, I always wanted to keep the macho exterior that I was suppose to give off.
"I want you to be the one that does, there's no one else that I would want to do it.
I looked at it again. This object. I wanted to throw it away and save her from this path. I hated her for this. I hate her for what she's making me do.
"What would happen to me... Have you ever thought of that? I'll just end up losing you!" I looked at her and just stared knowing that this could be the last time I ever see her.
"You'll know I'm happier. You'll know I'm in a better place and you'll know I'll always love you." She rested her head in my lap and I just knew what had to be done.
"Okay..." I lifted her head up and kissed her. I kissed her for what seemed like hours but in reality it was not long enough. I held her in my arms and I told her everything that I could think of. I told her what she meant to me and how she made my life worth living; but most importantly, I told her "I love you, and you know I always have and always will."
"I know, and I love you too, which is why I need you to do this."
I held her tighter and whispered into her ear that I will miss her more than anything and that I love her as I raised the gun higher and pushed it against the back of her head. I softly told her goodbye and held her tighter as I listened to her sob into my chest. I could feel the water soaking up my shirt. I raised the revolver an inch higher so it wasn't against her head anymore but facing me. I told her I'm sorry for what I had to do and shot.
The world disappeared. And then I was gone.
"Just do it!" Jane yelled at me, "I hate this life! I hate everything about it!"
"You cant make me do this, you know I can't do this!"
I couldn't think about a moment that I would have to live without her. Cheesy or not, she was my life. Her beautiful green eyes were covered in black smudges and redder than the blood that would soon cover her body. She was a beauty in disguise beneath all of the imperfections that made her the girl I was in love with.
She reached over and grabbed my hands so tightly that she might as well have cut them off. She proceeded to grab the gun and place it gently in my hands. She was always so gentle with everything. She had this way of touching things with her soft hands that felt like silk running through my fingers. I know that familiar touch of her smooth hands as it ran over my face tracing every detail and surface of my body. It was her touch that I loved the most. It was her touch that kept me sane.
I couldn't lose that.
"Don't put me in this situation," tears started to run down my face uncontrollably. She had never seen me cry before. I never allowed it, I always wanted to keep the macho exterior that I was suppose to give off.
"I want you to be the one that does, there's no one else that I would want to do it.
I looked at it again. This object. I wanted to throw it away and save her from this path. I hated her for this. I hate her for what she's making me do.
"What would happen to me... Have you ever thought of that? I'll just end up losing you!" I looked at her and just stared knowing that this could be the last time I ever see her.
"You'll know I'm happier. You'll know I'm in a better place and you'll know I'll always love you." She rested her head in my lap and I just knew what had to be done.
"Okay..." I lifted her head up and kissed her. I kissed her for what seemed like hours but in reality it was not long enough. I held her in my arms and I told her everything that I could think of. I told her what she meant to me and how she made my life worth living; but most importantly, I told her "I love you, and you know I always have and always will."
"I know, and I love you too, which is why I need you to do this."
I held her tighter and whispered into her ear that I will miss her more than anything and that I love her as I raised the gun higher and pushed it against the back of her head. I softly told her goodbye and held her tighter as I listened to her sob into my chest. I could feel the water soaking up my shirt. I raised the revolver an inch higher so it wasn't against her head anymore but facing me. I told her I'm sorry for what I had to do and shot.
The world disappeared. And then I was gone.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Unstoppable
Molly Rozan grew up thinking she was unstoppable. Nothing could have touched her, not even a scratch. The things that happened to “unfortunate” people were unreal in her mind. She was a superhero in her own world. When tragedy had hit, she had no idea what to do.
December 1, 2008 was a beautiful day. It was the beauty of a dozen ruby red roses freshly cut sitting perfectly on a table with the bright sun shining to give it its final touch, the glow it needed. She went through her usual routine, brushing her teeth, eating breakfast, and going to school. She arrived to school at exactly 7:10 am that day, just in time for class. Everything was going smoothly, nothing out of the ordinary until around 9 am, her whole life changed.
“Are you alright Molly?” Emily asked her as she sat down suddenly.
“Yeah I’m just feeling really dizzy.”
“Well, I can take you to the nurse.”
“No… it’s okay, I can…” before she could even finish the sentence she was falling to the floor, hitting it right on the back of her head. Emily started screaming for help and all of a sudden it was as if the world had stopped and moved in slow motion as Molly regained consciousness. People coming from all sides rushing to see if she was okay, rushing to see just what was going on, rushing to see if she would be okay.
She laid in the hallway that was right next to her Math class and she couldn’t get up. She couldn’t move. An ambulance came to the school about thirty minutes later and immediately took her to the nearest Hospital. It was only 5 minutes away and they were there before she was even settled into the back of the ambulance that screeched loudly to alert everyone that someone was in danger.
She was put in her own room, hooked up to an IV and given fluids. She woke up right when her mother got there. “Oh my god Molly! What happened?” was all her mom could say to her. She looked over and saw the monitors beep to make sure she was still alive. She didn’t understand what was going on. Her mom told her that the doctor was going to be back soon and that she should just wait for the blood work results. Easier said than done.
At about 3:30 pm the doctor re-entered the room. He had a folder in his right hand and his glasses in his left. It’s never a good thing when a doctor takes off his glasses and slides the door closed slowly behind him. Then he proceeded to look up slowly and asked her how she was feeling. How else would she be feeling? She thought to herself, she had an IV stuck in her and no reason why she was even in the hospital.
“I’m fine,” Molly responded after she thought about a good enough answer.
“Well, that’s good to hear,” Doctor Rost responded. He grabbed a chair and sat down facing the two of them. He flipped open his folder and looked through the papers with a look of sorrow painted over his face. Whatever those papers said, it was not something he wanted to tell me.
“Well, there’s no easy way for me to say this Molly,” he said slowly as he reached for my arm, “Molly, I regret to tell you that you have Leukemia.”
She couldn’t speak. The sudden rush of fear took over her like a plague polluting her body. She looked to her right and saw her mom with tears coming down like a waterfall with an endless supply of water coming from nowhere. She couldn’t cry, she couldn’t speak, and she couldn’t feel anything but fear.
December 1, 2008 was a day that Molly Rozan will remember as the day that changed her life. Nothing was the same since.
December 1, 2008 was a beautiful day. It was the beauty of a dozen ruby red roses freshly cut sitting perfectly on a table with the bright sun shining to give it its final touch, the glow it needed. She went through her usual routine, brushing her teeth, eating breakfast, and going to school. She arrived to school at exactly 7:10 am that day, just in time for class. Everything was going smoothly, nothing out of the ordinary until around 9 am, her whole life changed.
“Are you alright Molly?” Emily asked her as she sat down suddenly.
“Yeah I’m just feeling really dizzy.”
“Well, I can take you to the nurse.”
“No… it’s okay, I can…” before she could even finish the sentence she was falling to the floor, hitting it right on the back of her head. Emily started screaming for help and all of a sudden it was as if the world had stopped and moved in slow motion as Molly regained consciousness. People coming from all sides rushing to see if she was okay, rushing to see just what was going on, rushing to see if she would be okay.
She laid in the hallway that was right next to her Math class and she couldn’t get up. She couldn’t move. An ambulance came to the school about thirty minutes later and immediately took her to the nearest Hospital. It was only 5 minutes away and they were there before she was even settled into the back of the ambulance that screeched loudly to alert everyone that someone was in danger.
She was put in her own room, hooked up to an IV and given fluids. She woke up right when her mother got there. “Oh my god Molly! What happened?” was all her mom could say to her. She looked over and saw the monitors beep to make sure she was still alive. She didn’t understand what was going on. Her mom told her that the doctor was going to be back soon and that she should just wait for the blood work results. Easier said than done.
At about 3:30 pm the doctor re-entered the room. He had a folder in his right hand and his glasses in his left. It’s never a good thing when a doctor takes off his glasses and slides the door closed slowly behind him. Then he proceeded to look up slowly and asked her how she was feeling. How else would she be feeling? She thought to herself, she had an IV stuck in her and no reason why she was even in the hospital.
“I’m fine,” Molly responded after she thought about a good enough answer.
“Well, that’s good to hear,” Doctor Rost responded. He grabbed a chair and sat down facing the two of them. He flipped open his folder and looked through the papers with a look of sorrow painted over his face. Whatever those papers said, it was not something he wanted to tell me.
“Well, there’s no easy way for me to say this Molly,” he said slowly as he reached for my arm, “Molly, I regret to tell you that you have Leukemia.”
She couldn’t speak. The sudden rush of fear took over her like a plague polluting her body. She looked to her right and saw her mom with tears coming down like a waterfall with an endless supply of water coming from nowhere. She couldn’t cry, she couldn’t speak, and she couldn’t feel anything but fear.
December 1, 2008 was a day that Molly Rozan will remember as the day that changed her life. Nothing was the same since.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Sweet Serendipity
I was only cleaning up after his mess. I didn’t think I would happen to come across this clandestine present. It was a cerulean box, small and square. Upon finding it, immediately I was discombobulated. I begin to think about all of the things it could be, fluctuating between an anniversary present or something much more important. I ran my fingers over the white silky ribbon tied neatly in a bow shape. The sensation that spread throughout my body started to take over. I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t open it. But I had to. I had to do this surreptitiously; he could not know that I had found this. I pulled the left side of the ribbon and watched it as it came apart. It was mesmerizing and entrancing, I could not stop. I had stripped the first layer off and all that was left to do was to lift the top off. In one smooth motion, the lid was off. Instantly, in a halcyon state, I had no words. It was the most beautiful ring I have ever laid my eyes on, the sunlight illuminated on it just perfectly. It was glowing from all angles. It was sweet serendipity that I could not wait to put on.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Life
Sunlight
It has been ten years. Ten years lost. I felt the scar that was permanently etched into my forehead, the jagged bumps raised as I ran my fingers over it. I remembered the rush of the car running into mine, the feeling of losing myself as my seatbelt had broken off, snapped and flung into the air. My body propelled through the glass, the sharp broken pieces pierced into my body, blood trickled down every surface. Then, like a bad movie, I remembered hitting the floor miles away from my damaged car, and then nothing.
I had woken up to my mother smiling, not just a regular smile, but a smile that had stretched from one ear to the other. The room was bright, with white lights that shined in my eyes like headlights in the middle of the night. Tears started to pour out of her eyes as she grabbed me with her smooth hands that seemed unfamiliar when she first touched me. Something sweet started to fill my nose, what was it? Flowers, it smelled faint, but strong enough to have brought back a familiar feeling of warmth. I started to hear commotions, people rushed into my room screaming, “I can’t believe she woke up!”
Leaving the hospital was a memory worth remembering. I recorded everything that was happening around me. I walked out of the sliding doors and felt the suns rays hit my skin, it was hot, hot beams that made its way throughout my entire body. It was bright, forcing me to squint my eyes, hard to see through the light that covered the world like a blanket. I could see things vividly, the bright greens on the leaves shot out and the rainbow of cars lined up in the parking lot. Then I saw something that was unfamiliar. It was a field filled with nothing but a few flowers. Something took over my body, something wanted me to run, and so I did.
I felt the breeze hit me, a wind tunnel with warm air pushing against my skin. I reached the edge of the field where green grass met the gray pavement. I kicked off the blue shoes that were suffocating my feet and ripped off my jacket as I made a dash into the unknown. I stepped over the line of safety and felt the sharp yet soft grass hit the soles of my feet; I felt it make its way through my toes. I saw the flowers, the dandelions and sunflowers that gave life to the world. They took over the insides of my body, filled it with the smell of sweet life blossoming. I collapsed to the ground; I had hit the earth and barely made a dent. I felt the indent of my body into the dirt beneath me. The grass took me, engulfed me into the earth, blooming me to let me enjoy life once again. The sun gave me energy as the warm rays hit my face and I smiled. I smiled for hours as I laid there.
Something was wrong, something wasn’t right. The world just disappeared and it was black again. I was stuck in this world of emptiness and it was all just a dream.
It has been ten years. Ten years lost. I felt the scar that was permanently etched into my forehead, the jagged bumps raised as I ran my fingers over it. I remembered the rush of the car running into mine, the feeling of losing myself as my seatbelt had broken off, snapped and flung into the air. My body propelled through the glass, the sharp broken pieces pierced into my body, blood trickled down every surface. Then, like a bad movie, I remembered hitting the floor miles away from my damaged car, and then nothing.
I had woken up to my mother smiling, not just a regular smile, but a smile that had stretched from one ear to the other. The room was bright, with white lights that shined in my eyes like headlights in the middle of the night. Tears started to pour out of her eyes as she grabbed me with her smooth hands that seemed unfamiliar when she first touched me. Something sweet started to fill my nose, what was it? Flowers, it smelled faint, but strong enough to have brought back a familiar feeling of warmth. I started to hear commotions, people rushed into my room screaming, “I can’t believe she woke up!”
Leaving the hospital was a memory worth remembering. I recorded everything that was happening around me. I walked out of the sliding doors and felt the suns rays hit my skin, it was hot, hot beams that made its way throughout my entire body. It was bright, forcing me to squint my eyes, hard to see through the light that covered the world like a blanket. I could see things vividly, the bright greens on the leaves shot out and the rainbow of cars lined up in the parking lot. Then I saw something that was unfamiliar. It was a field filled with nothing but a few flowers. Something took over my body, something wanted me to run, and so I did.
I felt the breeze hit me, a wind tunnel with warm air pushing against my skin. I reached the edge of the field where green grass met the gray pavement. I kicked off the blue shoes that were suffocating my feet and ripped off my jacket as I made a dash into the unknown. I stepped over the line of safety and felt the sharp yet soft grass hit the soles of my feet; I felt it make its way through my toes. I saw the flowers, the dandelions and sunflowers that gave life to the world. They took over the insides of my body, filled it with the smell of sweet life blossoming. I collapsed to the ground; I had hit the earth and barely made a dent. I felt the indent of my body into the dirt beneath me. The grass took me, engulfed me into the earth, blooming me to let me enjoy life once again. The sun gave me energy as the warm rays hit my face and I smiled. I smiled for hours as I laid there.
Something was wrong, something wasn’t right. The world just disappeared and it was black again. I was stuck in this world of emptiness and it was all just a dream.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
A Villanelle for a not so special occasion
Hospitals
Never have I seen a more extraordinary place,
never have I been more shocked to see,
never will there be a more shocking space.
There are those that linger through with grace,
watching over a place like a dead sea.
Never have I seen a place with a kinder embrace.
The ones that have passed away now travel through a race,
running through the halls and not a person can see.
Never will there be a more shocking space.
There are the ones that stand by in sickness waiting for a blessing grace,
from someone above or someone willing to help them be.
Never have I seen a place with a kinder embrace.
However there will be the ones that are not so lucky in this place,
the ones not as fortunate than some that survive for another day to see.
Never will there be a more shocking space.
One must hope that in this space,
people all find the survival key.
Never have I seen a place with a kinder embrace.
Never will there be a more shocking space.
Never have I seen a more extraordinary place,
never have I been more shocked to see,
never will there be a more shocking space.
There are those that linger through with grace,
watching over a place like a dead sea.
Never have I seen a place with a kinder embrace.
The ones that have passed away now travel through a race,
running through the halls and not a person can see.
Never will there be a more shocking space.
There are the ones that stand by in sickness waiting for a blessing grace,
from someone above or someone willing to help them be.
Never have I seen a place with a kinder embrace.
However there will be the ones that are not so lucky in this place,
the ones not as fortunate than some that survive for another day to see.
Never will there be a more shocking space.
One must hope that in this space,
people all find the survival key.
Never have I seen a place with a kinder embrace.
Never will there be a more shocking space.
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