Chris Walsh

The clock hit 9 PM and I looked at the stack of papers still sitting on my desk. The new building that would be placed next to the grocery story on Goshen Road was nowhere near finished. I couldn’t concentrate anymore on it. My wife was probably waiting up at home with a mug of hot chocolate and the TV on FOX but she won’t be watching it. Instead she will be snug in her white robe and pink slippers reading her latest romance novel. Somehow, that seems much better than this dark and cold office. “I’m calling it a night Greg,” I walked out of my office and looked at my assistant, “You can leave now too.” “Thank you Mr. Walsh!” His eyes shot open as if we haven’t been here for nearly 14 hours already. A sudden burst of energy to leave so early I suppose. I walked back into my office and gathered my belongings into my suitcase. I grabbed my coat and keys and proceeded to head out of the building. I noticed my intern had already darted out of the building faster than I could even leave my office. Interns. When I walked out to the parking lot, I noticed the rain had been picking up after pouring from the sky all day. Well, at least I get to go home and enjoy the night in with my wife. Driving home was very relaxing. Hearing the rain hit the top of my car, like drumsticks, beating on tin cans. Sending vibrations from the back of the car to the hood. I pulled up in my driveway and saw the room light shining through the otherwise dark house. Comfort starts to warm my body up as I quickly run up to the front door and unlock it. I figured I would surprise Amy as I set my suitcase and coat by the closet. I creep up the wooden stairs just missing the third step since the creek would immediately give me away. Reaching the top of the stairs, I saw the door just cracked open a little, allowing the light to dimly pierce the dark hallway. Tiptoeing closer I saw something strange. Her robe. It wasn’t on her, but next to the door. I inched closer and closer until all that was left was me and the cracked door. I tapped it with my finger and it started to open even more, ever so slowly. The shower was running. I followed the string of clothes to the bathroom when I saw her. Naked. In the shower. With a man that wasn’t me. What seemed like an hour has passed. In reality, maybe five minutes. I stood there. Frozen. Just staring at them. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move. I didn’t even know what to say if I could. My heart picked up its pace and my brain was sending no waves to move any part of my body. I tried hard to move my right arm just enough to grab a towel and fling it at the shower door. That’s when she looked up and met my eyes. She looked at me with her eyes wide open and her mouth slightly ajar. Like she had seen an intruder. “Chris…” Hearing the sound of my name being uttered from her mouth was disgusting. I couldn’t say anything. I only knew how to turn around and run out. I drove and drove but my mind kept racing. I needed to go somewhere to escape from all of this. I drove to the local bar in town where at least I could take some time for myself to think. I ran in to avoid the rain drenching my clothes. The bar was lightly dimmed. There was a couple sitting in the booth near the bathroom and two elderly looking men sitting at the bar. Gina was working tonight, she looked up when I entered and gave me a small smile. I nodded in return. “What brings you in tonight, Chris?” “The wife.” I didn’t know how else to respond. “I just need a drink Gina.” She slid a glass of whiskey in front of me and I drank that as if it was water. I lifted my hand, signaling for a refill. She came over and filled it right up. It was magic. I needed something fixed and she was able to make it right in five seconds. It was unreal. After six glasses and a conversation about how the world is out to get me, Gina finally decides that enough is enough. “I’m cutting you off Chris,” Gina looked at me with concern. “No, keep them coming.” “You need to go home.” “I have no home anymore. There’s no one there that I need.” “Chris, you can’t take it out on yourself, she chose to do that herself, she made the mistake, not you. I’m going to call you a taxi.” She looked at me with sorrow in her eyes that only people give when they feel pity for the other person. I hate it when people do that, I don’t need pity, I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me. I grabbed my jacket and keys and ran out. I heard her start to yell something but it didn’t matter anymore I was half way out of the door. The rain was getting heavier, I don’t know if it was the wind making everything blur together or if it was the fact that I had too much to drink. Whatever it was I just wanted to get home and fall on the ground so I didn’t have to stand anymore. Running to the car I almost tripped a couple of times over the wet, slippery ground until I realized that I can’t see straight without losing my balance. I was surprised that I even reached the car, thinking that I just went through the hardest obstacle until I realized that I had to still drive home. There was a moment where I thought that maybe I shouldn’t be driving at the state I was in but it didn’t matter. What matter was the fact that I had just found my wife in the hands of another man that was soon clouding my judgment with anger. A little bit down the street the rain started to pick up and my windshield wipers seemed like they couldn’t move fast enough. The water was covering my windshield and made it look like I was looking face down at a pond. Blurred vision that was hard to see through was making it difficult to continue driving. Through the rainwater I saw a blur of red but something started buzzing. Chris, please come home. We should talk baby. Talk? Did she really think the one thing I would want to do was talk? I pushed down harder on the accelerator and I couldn’t make out exactly what was ahead until … Pressing as hard as I could on the brakes, the car just wouldn’t stop until the car in front of me stopped it for me. My car started to swerve in a circle and the airbag exploded right into my face. And then it was black. Waking up, I felt my chest beating up and down as I took deep breaths trying to recollect what just happened. My head was pounding and I noticed that I was upside down, I was being held up by the top of my head resting on the roof of my car. I reached to my right side trying to unbuckle my seat belt but I felt a sharp pain run through my right arm whenever I moved it. I held my breath and reached as far as I could until the seatbelt snapped off and I fell forward hitting the exploded airbag and slamming into the wheel. I pushed the door open and crawled out of the car. I was barely able to stand out and I couldn’t make out what I was looking at. As my vision started to straighten up a little bit I saw a car in front of me. It was flipped over. It was about a good distance away from my car. I looked down and followed the black marks on the ground where the car must’ve slid. Did I do that? I walked over, feeling every beat of my heart ready to break through my chest as my breathing started to pick up. I panicked; I didn’t know what to do. Was anyone in the car? I could barely see with the rain falling into my eyes, but I could make out a girl, with long blonde hair. She had blood coming out of what looked like every part of her head. I started to pull her out and saw a guy sitting next to her. I dropped her on the ground by the hood almost as if I thought I could protect her from the rain. As if I could protect her now. I dropped to my knees. I crawled over to the stop sign. I couldn’t look at them. My face was wet. There was no difference between the rain and my tears anymore. I was numb and I couldn’t breathe. I needed to get help. But my body wouldn’t move, no matter how much I willed it to. I looked up from my knees at the accident again and saw a boy crawling out of the car. He was limping. I shot up with a sudden rush of fear running through my veins. “You’re alive!” I started to walk over to him with my arms stretched out to help him up but he pushed me off with the little energy that he had left. “Where’s my sister?” Was all that he said. I realized at that moment that the girl I pulled out. The girl I laid on the ground. “I’m so sorry, please forgive me.” I had no other words. He started grabbing me with force and shaking me, screaming for me to show him where she was. I couldn’t show him. I couldn’t be the man that was able to own the actions that he made. I was a coward. I backed away from him. Tears falling harder. I heard myself saying how sorry I was; yet I cannot recall saying it. I was standing from the outside watching myself as I backed away from him and fell to my knees. Burying my head in my hands as I kept saying sorry. As if that would bring her back to life. I watched him. I watched his every move. The way he forced himself up and walked over to the other side of his car. When he found his sister lying under the hood of it. The way he started to cry. He was a man that I would never be. Watching him hold his sister, lifeless in his hands. I couldn’t face what I had done. I started to run. My house was only a couple seconds away. I could make it if I never looked back. If I never saw them again. I saw the hint of light blue that made our mailbox stand out from the other neighbors black ones. I told Amy we should’ve painted it black too. But she insisted. And now I do not regret it. It was a sight of warmth that I needed right now. I ran to the front door and pounded on it, waking up Amy. She opened the door and looked at me, staring at me with concern in her brown eyes. “What happened Chris?” I didn’t say anything I just walked in and took my coat off. I walked into the kitchen and filled up a glass of water. I heard her voice. It sounded like she was miles away. Chris! Talk to me! What happened? I couldn’t speak. I just stared out of the kitchen window and finished my water. I turned around and looked at her. “I’m sorry Amy.” She was crying. Her eyes had black tears running down her cheeks. Her cheeks. Her hair. The soft touch. Things that would never be mine again. I grabbed the knife next to me and held it up to my face. I caught a glimpse of my reflection, at a man that I wish I never became. I didn’t cry anymore. I forced the knife into my stomach. I felt the plunge. Deeper into my body. I felt faint and my knees gave out. I hit the floor and felt my eyes roll until everything was black.

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” - Albert Einstein

I once heard a saying in life that miracles are a gift sent from above. Miracles give people the gift of hope. All I can conclude from this is that life works in mysterious ways.
It was a day that I would never forget, I was going to have a baby sister after all. My mother's water had just broke and everything in this house was in chaos. I was just standing there by the front door smiling and watching all the commotion, knowing that at then end of this day we would be an even bigger family. It was an exhilarating day, dad rushing to grab the baby bag in case this would happen sometime soon. He was so preoccupied with getting everything into the car he had forgotten mom. Until he heard the screams of mom from the kitchen. I quickly ran over and she grabbed on my arm telling me to get her to the hospital already.
"DAD! You can't forget mom!"
He ran inside the house, panting, "I am so sorry, I was just so anxious and it slipped my mind..."
"I DON'T CARE JUST GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL!" My mom was clearly on her breaking point now. Dad quickly picked her up from the chair and helped her to the car as I followed from behind them. We past the baby's room on the way out and I couldn't help but take a second look. It's empty now, but not for too long.
The ride to the hospital was unlike any car ride I have ever been through. Dad ran at least three red lights and mom was in a constant state of agony as the baby kept telling her it's time for me to come out. We pulled up to the ER and parked the car outside as my dad ran in and got a wheelchair. He wheeled her in and disregarded the fact that I was still there. I guess that meant I had to park the car. I didn't mind, this is what happens when parents decide to have a baby after their first one is already 17. I pulled the car around the hospital and into a parking space. I ran back to the hospital and asked the nurse where I would find them, "Third Floor, Room 316."
I raced up there, stairs, since the elevators would have taken far too long. I found them easily since I believe my mothers voice was the loudest on that floor. I came in and was given a gown to wear over my clothes. I guess in case some bodily fluids or whatever comes out during pregnancy should come flying out at me. I've only seen a birth on TV before, never this close up or this loud for that matter.
"DOC, I need that spinal tap now, this baby is not waiting any longer!"
"Jeannette, you need to take deep breathes, okay? Just like how you've been practicing," Dr. Marshall tried to calm her down, but he clearly does not know my mother well enough.
"GIVE ME THE DAMN SPINAL TAP!"
And what my mother demands, my mother gets. It sure shut her up though, she was feeling better as soon as her contractions went away and that needle went into her back.
The doctor came back to check up on her after about thirty minutes and said that the it was time. She was properly "dilated" down there. A more formal way of saying she was about to pop.
"Okay Jeannette, it's time. Greg, I need your help here okay? Keep her calm."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" My mom kept screaming at the top of her lungs as the doctor kept telling her to push.
"One more, give a good hard push! I see the head! Jeannette you're almost there!"
And there she goes again, screaming even more. It was like a movie, the ones where a happy ending is about to happen and the audience is anticipating it. That moment when the baby comes out and is given to the mother to hold. A miracle in her hands.
"Okay Jeannette push one good last time!"
And then came cries, the baby was here.
"Dad? Will you do the honors?" My dad went over and cut off the umbilical chord, a real honor for the dad. Dr. Marshall handed the baby over to him to hold and he showed me. She was beautiful, gorgeous, and small. She was so small. She was so full of life.
"Hon, want to see our beautiful baby girl?" My dad walked over to my mom but there was something wrong. She wasn't opening her eyes and the monitors started to make that screech and monotone noise and the line was flat.
"Jeannette! Hang in there!" Dr. Marshall was screaming at my lifeless mothers body as he reached for the paddles and turned them on. "Clear!" And pumped it on my mothers chest, but nothing was happening. "Greg, you and your daughter need to leave now! Go to the waiting room!" We headed out but I kept staring at her, laying there still and no breath was leaving her body. She was pale and sweaty, her eyes were pierced shut and her head dangled to the left. What happened to my mother who was screaming a minute ago and had birthed a miracle into the world.
"Dad! What's going on? Why isn't mom waking up? I don't understand!" I piled on these questions to my dad as he just sat in the chair nearest the double doors. He just stared at them. Watching them wobble close and he didn't speak. For the next hour we just sat there together. Holding each others hands, with nothing to say.
Today birthed a miracle, a beautiful baby girl. Six pounds. Her name was Jeannette. Named after the mother who gave her life to let this miracle live on this planet when one was taken away. She was beautiful and she was a mirror image of her. She was the miracle that got to live.

Different

When you're growing up, you only think a certain way. That life is a storybook that has already been written for you. The villians are the robbers and the heroes are the police officers. The world was a simple concept to grab ahold of: eat, do your homework, take showers, and play. Once you hit that tween phase, where you're not really a teen but not a child anymore and your body starts to change, well that's the phase that I'm talking about. People stop sheltering you and you start to realize that the world is much more complicated. People can hurt you on purpose and have no feelings towards it, well you learn that those are the villians now. And the heroes? Well they become you're best friends, the ones that help you through this awkward phase of life. Then you become a teenager and you learn about love. Yes, you've now reached the "love" part in the story. You fall in love for the first time and it's like nothing you've felt before. You enjoy what it's like and then you experience your first heartbreak and learn that fairytales do not teach it right. Fall in love once doesn't mean you've found your prince charming yet. And this is when you hit the climax, when you enter adulthood. When you realize that you can't live in a fairytale all your life maintaining an innocence that you have to let go. This is when you venture out on your own and experience things first hand that you've only been hearing about until this moment. It's when you're given the freedom that you have always longed for. It's when you start to write the story yourself.
Live for the experience, because experience will always be the best teacher. - Alan Reese

End of a Legend

"I can't do it," I looked at the small object in my hand. It's a lot smaller than what people would expect. I mean I see it in the movies a lot, they make it seem life changing once you hold one of them. But it's really unimportant and not as life changing. But why could this small object make such a huge impact in the world. It's a lot colder too. The silver hard metal that has been sitting out in the cold for too long has freezed over a little bit. Too cold to hold onto for too long. I observed it for a little while longer as it sits in my lap untouched. Just sitting there waiting for someone to pick it up, waiting to be used, waiting to be fired.
"Just do it!" Jane yelled at me, "I hate this life! I hate everything about it!"
"You cant make me do this, you know I can't do this!"
I couldn't think about a moment that I would have to live without her. Cheesy or not, she was my life. Her beautiful green eyes were covered in black smudges and redder than the blood that would soon cover her body. She was a beauty in disguise beneath all of the imperfections that made her the girl I was in love with.
She reached over and grabbed my hands so tightly that she might as well have cut them off. She proceeded to grab the gun and place it gently in my hands. She was always so gentle with everything. She had this way of touching things with her soft hands that felt like silk running through my fingers. I know that familiar touch of her smooth hands as it ran over my face tracing every detail and surface of my body. It was her touch that I loved the most. It was her touch that kept me sane.
I couldn't lose that.
"Don't put me in this situation," tears started to run down my face uncontrollably. She had never seen me cry before. I never allowed it, I always wanted to keep the macho exterior that I was suppose to give off.
"I want you to be the one that does, there's no one else that I would want to do it.
I looked at it again. This object. I wanted to throw it away and save her from this path. I hated her for this. I hate her for what she's making me do.
"What would happen to me... Have you ever thought of that? I'll just end up losing you!" I looked at her and just stared knowing that this could be the last time I ever see her.
"You'll know I'm happier. You'll know I'm in a better place and you'll know I'll always love you." She rested her head in my lap and I just knew what had to be done.
"Okay..." I lifted her head up and kissed her. I kissed her for what seemed like hours but in reality it was not long enough. I held her in my arms and I told her everything that I could think of. I told her what she meant to me and how she made my life worth living; but most importantly, I told her "I love you, and you know I always have and always will."
"I know, and I love you too, which is why I need you to do this."
I held her tighter and whispered into her ear that I will miss her more than anything and that I love her as I raised the gun higher and pushed it against the back of her head. I softly told her goodbye and held her tighter as I listened to her sob into my chest. I could feel the water soaking up my shirt. I raised the revolver an inch higher so it wasn't against her head anymore but facing me. I told her I'm sorry for what I had to do and shot.
The world disappeared. And then I was gone.

Unstoppable

Molly Rozan grew up thinking she was unstoppable. Nothing could have touched her, not even a scratch. The things that happened to “unfortunate” people were unreal in her mind. She was a superhero in her own world. When tragedy had hit, she had no idea what to do.
December 1, 2008 was a beautiful day. It was the beauty of a dozen ruby red roses freshly cut sitting perfectly on a table with the bright sun shining to give it its final touch, the glow it needed. She went through her usual routine, brushing her teeth, eating breakfast, and going to school. She arrived to school at exactly 7:10 am that day, just in time for class. Everything was going smoothly, nothing out of the ordinary until around 9 am, her whole life changed.
“Are you alright Molly?” Emily asked her as she sat down suddenly.
“Yeah I’m just feeling really dizzy.”
“Well, I can take you to the nurse.”
“No… it’s okay, I can…” before she could even finish the sentence she was falling to the floor, hitting it right on the back of her head. Emily started screaming for help and all of a sudden it was as if the world had stopped and moved in slow motion as Molly regained consciousness. People coming from all sides rushing to see if she was okay, rushing to see just what was going on, rushing to see if she would be okay.
She laid in the hallway that was right next to her Math class and she couldn’t get up. She couldn’t move. An ambulance came to the school about thirty minutes later and immediately took her to the nearest Hospital. It was only 5 minutes away and they were there before she was even settled into the back of the ambulance that screeched loudly to alert everyone that someone was in danger.
She was put in her own room, hooked up to an IV and given fluids. She woke up right when her mother got there. “Oh my god Molly! What happened?” was all her mom could say to her. She looked over and saw the monitors beep to make sure she was still alive. She didn’t understand what was going on. Her mom told her that the doctor was going to be back soon and that she should just wait for the blood work results. Easier said than done.
At about 3:30 pm the doctor re-entered the room. He had a folder in his right hand and his glasses in his left. It’s never a good thing when a doctor takes off his glasses and slides the door closed slowly behind him. Then he proceeded to look up slowly and asked her how she was feeling. How else would she be feeling? She thought to herself, she had an IV stuck in her and no reason why she was even in the hospital.
“I’m fine,” Molly responded after she thought about a good enough answer.
“Well, that’s good to hear,” Doctor Rost responded. He grabbed a chair and sat down facing the two of them. He flipped open his folder and looked through the papers with a look of sorrow painted over his face. Whatever those papers said, it was not something he wanted to tell me.
“Well, there’s no easy way for me to say this Molly,” he said slowly as he reached for my arm, “Molly, I regret to tell you that you have Leukemia.”
She couldn’t speak. The sudden rush of fear took over her like a plague polluting her body. She looked to her right and saw her mom with tears coming down like a waterfall with an endless supply of water coming from nowhere. She couldn’t cry, she couldn’t speak, and she couldn’t feel anything but fear.
December 1, 2008 was a day that Molly Rozan will remember as the day that changed her life. Nothing was the same since.

Sweet Serendipity

I was only cleaning up after his mess. I didn’t think I would happen to come across this clandestine present. It was a cerulean box, small and square. Upon finding it, immediately I was discombobulated. I begin to think about all of the things it could be, fluctuating between an anniversary present or something much more important. I ran my fingers over the white silky ribbon tied neatly in a bow shape. The sensation that spread throughout my body started to take over. I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t open it. But I had to. I had to do this surreptitiously; he could not know that I had found this. I pulled the left side of the ribbon and watched it as it came apart. It was mesmerizing and entrancing, I could not stop. I had stripped the first layer off and all that was left to do was to lift the top off. In one smooth motion, the lid was off. Instantly, in a halcyon state, I had no words. It was the most beautiful ring I have ever laid my eyes on, the sunlight illuminated on it just perfectly. It was glowing from all angles. It was sweet serendipity that I could not wait to put on.

Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.